


Come Back To Me

by Tyler_Val



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Angst, Depression, Hurt/Comfort, Isolation, M/M, Mementos (Persona 5), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Persona 5 Protagonist Has A Palace, Sad, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Tags Contain Spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-07
Updated: 2020-04-21
Packaged: 2020-11-26 18:53:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20935067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tyler_Val/pseuds/Tyler_Val
Summary: "Akechi no!" Ren Amamiya yelled.Akechi Goro turned to look at Ren and smiled, he said, "Don't worry Ren, I will come back for you." He then smashed the button and metal blinds came down. He yelled, "Please take revenge on Shido on my behalf!""I will Akechi! I promised." I said, tears rolling down my cheeks.After a series of gunshots, it became silent.He was gone just like that...





	1. He's Gone...

**Author's Note:**

> It's been a long time since I wrote something so there might be errors here and there. I will try to minimize it as much as I can.
> 
> Not all characters in the game are included in the story.

Ren Amamiya's POV

I longed to hear his voice again. I long to see the smile on his face. I... I miss him very much. I wish-no I could, I could have done something to help. Maybe...maybe he would be by my side right now, holding me in his arms. Perhaps it was my fault and not his.

  
I stood up and punched the wall in anger, why couldn't it be me instead? Why is it him? He had so much to live for, me? I had nothing. Without the Phantom Thieves, I am nothing. I am just a boy with a criminal record, or to others, a delinquent.

  
Even with the Phantom Thieves, they don't even need me as a leader. They don't need a leader who is as useless and stupid like me, they don't need me at all. They are all better off without me, I am a waste of space.

  
"Ren, get up. It's time for you to go to school." Morgana walked towards my bed.

  
I ignored him, Morgana sighed and jumped onto me. He faced me, "Come on Ren, you have to go to school."

  
I closed my eyes and sighed, "What's the point of going? It's not like he would come back to life."

  
After that incident in Shido's palace, I never mentioned Akechi's name again. I always break down if someone mentions his name.

  
Morgana sighed and said, "Please Ren, go to school. He wouldn't want to see you in this state." I know who Morgana is referring to, he just chose not to say who just for my sake.

  
I dragged myself out of bed and changed into my uniform. I took my bag and lowered it down so Morgana can hop into it, after that, I headed to school. I waved Sojiro goodbye before I left LeBlanc.

* * *

"Hey, Ren!"

  
I turned around to see Ryuji running towards me, he stopped and said, "Hey, Ren how are you?"

  
I faked a smile and said, "I'm fine Ryuji, don't worry about it." Ha, what a lie.

  
"You sure? I mean you were silent after what happened in Shido's palace." Ryuji pointed out.

  
I nodded my head and said, "I'm fine, I was just a little traumatised." Yeah right, "a little traumatised" is an understatement. I love Akechi so much, I would do anything to see him again.

  
For the rest of the time in school, I pretended to be fine. During lunch break, I met up with my friends. At first, I didn't want to do that but Morgana insisted since he wanted to see Ann. I just rolled my eyes and compiled to it. When Morgana saw Ann, he immediately hopped out of my bag and landed on the floor. Ann picked Morgana up and held him in her arms.

  
When Ann, Ryuji, Yusuke, Haru and Morgana are talking, I just stood there. I did not bother trying to include myself in their conversation. The only person I want to talk to right now is Akechi, I don't want to talk to anyone else.

  
_If only he was here..._

  
"Hey, Ren what do you think?" Ann asked.

  
I snapped out of my thoughts, "Think about what? Sorry I wasn't listening."

  
Ann sighed, "What do you think about going to the beach tomorrow to celebrate?"

  
I looked at them with a puzzled expression, I asked, "Celebrate what?"

  
Ann sighed and said, "Celebrate capturing Shido's treasure and his change of heart."

  
So what if we captured Shido's treasure? It won't bring back Akechi. What's there to celebrate anyway? Akechi sacrificed himself and...and is gone just like that. I know the others does not care about Akechi, I mean they don't even welcome nor like him.

  
"I'm not going," I said, folding my arms.

  
Ryuji rolled his eyes and said, "Come on dude join us, I promise we will have lots of fun! Who knows? Maybe you can meet a hot girl!"

  
I shook my head and said, "I'm not interested and that's final."

  
I walked away, they looked at each other and shrugged. I looked down and did not see Morgana, I guess no one likes being with me.

* * *

  
After school, I went straight home without bringing Morgana back. Well, it's not like Morgana cares about me, he would rather be with Ann than me. I changed out of my uniform and lied on my bed, with my phone lying beside me.

  
Just then I heard footsteps, I turned around to see Morgana.

  
"Why did you leave without me?" Morgana asked, with a pained expression.

  
I rolled my eyes and said, "Well, it's not like you give a shit about me. You would rather be with Ann than me."

  
"Hey! That's not true!" Morgana protested.

  
I snickered and said, "Are you sure? I mean during lunch break you didn't even follow me after I left, you were still snuggling in Ann's arms."

  
"Ren, why are you acting like this?" Morgana asked.

  
"Acting like what?" I questioned.

  
"You're acting like an asshole right now and I know this isn't the real you!" Morgana exclaimed. He then sighed and said, "Come on Ren, you are better than this and I know that."

  
"What do you even know? How to abandon your friend?" I said, my words dripping with sarcasm.

  
Morgana looks more irritated than before, he said, "Ren, cut it out! I do not want you to be like this neither will Akechi!"

  
Upon mentioning of Akechi's name, I snapped. "Shut up! You have no right to say his name!"

  
"You could have done something to help Akechi. He would have still been alive," Morgana pointed out.

  
He's right...I could have done something to help Akechi, he can be by my side right now. Tears started forming in my eyes and soon they roll down my cheeks. I tried to stop tears from flowing down my cheeks but to no avail. Morgana softened his features, he walked towards me and placed his paw on my arm.

  
I removed Morgana's paw on my arm and yelled, "Get out!" Morgana looked at me in confusion, "What? Why?" I picked Morgana up and stormed out of LeBlanc. I then placed Morgana outside LeBlanc.

  
Before I walked back into LeBlanc, I turned around and look into Morgana's eyes. I warned, "Don't ever come back, I don't want to see you anymore." With that, I went back inside LeBlanc. Sojiro asked me what's wrong but I ignored him and walked up the stairs.

  
I huddled in one corner and cried. I shouldn't have said all those to Morgana, he was trying to help. I do not deserve help from anyone, I deserve to feel this pain. I do not deserve friends either, they are better off without me anyway. I decided to be all by myself from today onwards. I will live by myself, as I do not deserve Sojiro's kindness.


	2. Moving Out

Ren Amamiya's POV  
  
During lunch break, I went to the rooftop and sat down on the floor. I do not know why but I started crying, I tried to stop my tears from flowing but I can't. It hurts...it hurts like hell. Why did he have to die? I wanted to spend the rest of my life by his side loving him with all my heart, I guess it is not happening anymore.

  
I shook my head and scolded myself, how could I think about that? I do not deserve him, he is way too good for me. Besides, maybe he is still alive somewhere. I just have to wait for him, he will come back to me. Yes, he will. I just have to believe...

  
Just then I heard the school bell rang, I snapped out of my thoughts and dried my tears before heading to class. On the way to class, I heard someone calling my name. I turned around to see Ryuji, he clenched his fists and glared at me. I stood there and stared at him, Ryuji was then walking towards me.

  
"You fucking asshole, you made everyone worried! Where the hell did you go?" Ryuji hissed.

  
"Hey Ryuji calm down, I'm fine," I faked a smile and reassured him.

  
When I was about to walk away, Ryuji grabbed my arm and stopped me. "I'm not done yet!" Ryuji pulled me back and made me stand in front of him.

  
I sighed and faced him, "What do you want from me?" I turned around to check the time and turned back to face him, "It's almost time for class. If you got anything you want to tell me, do it after school."

  
Ryuji grabbed the collar of my uniform, he looked at me in the eye. "Why did you throw Morgana out? Why didn't you hang out with us today? Tell me! I want to know." He let go of me, I straightened my uniform and looked at him.

  
Should I tell him the truth? No...he does not need to know about it, it is better if I kept it all to myself. I do not want to be a burden.

  
"I lost my temper and threw Morgana out of LeBlanc, I didn't mean to do that. As for today, I wasn't feeling too well so I decided to be alone." Part of it was a lie and part of it was a truth, I hope Ryuji would believe me and stop asking.

  
"Why won't you tell me the truth? Stop lying god damn it!" Ryuji held onto my shoulder and shook me.

  
The bell rang, it was time for class. I pushed Ryuji away, "I'm sorry Ryuji, I can't." I walked away and tears were forming in my eyes. I hurt my friend...this is why I do not deserve to have any friends. Everyone is better off without me, I do not deserve their care and concern.

  
I wiped my tears and walked into class, I sat down at my seat behind Ann. Ann turned around and asked, "What happened to you?"

  
I looked up and shook my head, "Nothing, you don't have to worry about me."

  
It was obvious that even Ann did not believe me but she did not ask me any more questions.

* * *

After school, I avoided everyone and went straight home. Sojiro saw me and greeted me, I greeted back. I sat down on a seat in front of Sojiro, "I have something to tell you Sojiro."

  
Sojiro scratched his head and asked, "What is it, Ren?"

  
I took a deep breath, "I...I want to live alone in an apartment." Sojiro was looking at me sceptically. I decided to make up a lie on the spot, "It's because I want to learn to be independent, so that's why I want to live alone."

  
"Alright then, if that's what you want then sure," Sojiro agreed reluctantly. I went upstairs to pack my things and I packed all the clothes that I have and put them in the luggage. I sighed, "Goodbye, I won't be living here anymore. It's for the best." After that, I dragged the luggage and carried my school bag and headed downstairs.

  
"Hey if something is bothering you, you can always talk to me. I mean, after all, I'm your guardian." Sojiro said, with a gentle voice.

  
I nodded my head and said, "Goodbye Sojiro, thank you for taking care of me." I gave Sojiro my address to my apartment, turned around and walked out of LeBlanc.

  
"Hey Ren, you can come back anytime you want. My doors are always open for you." Sojiro said.

  
I turned around and smiled, "Thank you Sojiro, I'll keep that in mind." When I was about to walk away, I remembered something. "Sojiro could you do me a favour and not tell the others my address?" I pleaded. Sojiro sighed and nodded his head, "Alright, I'll keep it to myself for now."

  
I smiled and said, "Thank you," and dragged my luggage and left.

* * *

After walking for a while, I reached the apartment that I bought yesterday at night. The apartment has a bedroom, kitchen, bathroom, living room and a study room. The apartment is well furnished enough, there is already furniture so I do not have to buy it myself. I took the lift and reached my apartment, which is at level 7.

  
I took out my keys and unlocked the door, revealing a sparkling clean living room. I guess this is where I will be staying from now on. I locked the gate of my apartment and closed the front door. I dragged my luggage and headed to my room to unpack my things.

  
When I am in my room, I took out my clothes and placed them into the closet. I then closed the closet door and sat down on my bed. I sighed and thought, do I want to live all alone? Do I want to isolate myself from people I love? I don't know, but I guess this is for the best. I do not want to bother anyone with my problems, and besides, they got their own problems.

  
I took out my phone to check the time, it was nine o'clock already. I guess people are not exaggerating when they say time passes quickly, I stood up and closed the curtains. I changed into my pyjamas and lied down on my bed. I find it weird not hearing Morgana telling me to go to bed, wait why am I even thinking about that asshole? I shook away those thoughts and closed my eyes.

_  
"Ren? Is that you?" a voice asked._

_  
I opened my eyes to see Akechi smiling at me, I smiled back at him. "Yeah, it's me, Ren." I ran towards Akechi and hugged him, "It's nice to see you Akechi, I miss you so much."_

_  
Akechi hugged me back, "I miss you too, Ren. I wish I could see you again."_

_  
Where did you go Akechi? You were gone so suddenly." I asked, desperate to know where he went._

_  
"Oh I didn't go anywhere Ren, I'm right here by your side." Akechi pulled away and smiled sweetly at me. I melted at the sight of his smile, I miss seeing that smile of his. I suddenly remembered something, "Akechi...can I ask you something?"_

_  
"Yeah what is it, Ren?" Akechi questioned, curious to know what I want to ask._

_  
"Are...you...dead?" I asked hesitantly. I know I should not be asking this but I had to know. I had to._

_  
"Yes, I am," Akechi said bluntly. Akechi's smiled turned into a snarl, "It's all your fault that I am dead! If you had done something to help, it wouldn't end up this way!"_

_  
"I'm sorry Akechi..." I sobbed, "You're right, I should have done something to help. Maybe all these would not have happened." More tears started forming in my eyes, I was crying non-stop. The pain in my chest increased, I just want it to end._

_  
I want my pain to end, I can't live like this anymore._

_  
I can't hold it in much longer._

_  
Akechi then started strangling me, "You deserve to die selfish bastard!"_

  
I woke up coughing violently, I rubbed my neck to soothe the pain. It felt so real even though it was all a dream. I don't feel like going to sleep; I doubt I would even get any sleep at this rate. I lied on my bed, staring at the ceiling thinking about the nightmare I had.

  
Soon, I finally manage to fall asleep later at 3 am.


	3. Just My Luck

Ren Amamiya's POV  
  
"Ring!" my alarm clock rang. I groggily opened my eyes and reached for my phone. I pressed the snooze button and checked the time, it was 6 am. I sighed, I don't even want to go to school. I placed my phone back on the small table beside my bed and went back to sleep.

  
Just then I heard a familiar ringtone, I reached for my phone and took it. It was Ryuji calling me, should I pick up? I do not feel like talking to anyone, I just want to stay in bed all day and sleep. I just put back my phone on the table and went back to sleep. The phone kept ringing and ringing, after a while it stopped.

  
After a while, my stomach started grumbling. I reluctantly got out of bed and slowly walked to the kitchen. I opened the drawers to find nothing in it, I rolled my eyes. Of course, there is nothing, I just moved in yesterday. I walked back to my room to change my clothes. After changing my clothes, I took my phone to check the time; it was 4 pm. I shrugged, I guess I do not have to go to school anymore since school ends at 2.30 pm.

* * *

I went to the nearest supermarket and bought tons of cup noodles, I did not bother to cook for myself. As I was walking out of the supermarket, I heard someone calling out my name. I stopped and turn around to see Ann, what is she doing here? I gulped. I was about to run away, but Ann stopped me.

  
"Why didn't you come to school today?" Ann asked.

  
"I overslept, that's why." I hastily came up with a lie on the stop. I just hope she buys it but judging by her facial expression; she probably does not.

  
"Yeah well each of us called your phone and don't say it's because you turn off your phone, the call did go through." Ann folded her arms and stared at me, waiting for my response.

  
I cleared my throat and said, "Well I didn't hear my phone ringing since I'm asleep, besides I'm a deep sleeper." I chuckled, trying to hide my nervousness.

  
Ann narrowed her eyes, "Ren stop lying to me and just tell me the truth. Why didn't you come to school today?"

  
I took out my phone and checked the time."Oh, just look at the time! I have to go now." I didn't wait for her response and just ran off; I turned back every second to check whether she is following me. I don't want her to know where I stay neither do I want her to know about my problems. Besides, I am too afraid to tell her about it; I also don't know how to convey my feelings. I guess I'll just keep it to myself; it is better this way.

* * *

After I reached home, I went straight to the kitchen to put down the cup noodles I bought. I took a pot and filled it up with water before putting it on the stove to boil the water. After a few minutes, the water boiled. I opened up one cup noodle and poured the hot water into it. I took a pair of chopsticks and started eating. After that, I threw the cup and washed the chopsticks before putting it back into the cabinet.

  
When I walked out of the kitchen, I heard the doorbell rang. Who could it be? I sighed and went to unlock the front door to see Ann standing outside. How did she know where I live? Unless...she followed me.

  
"Hey Ren, I'm sorry. I was curious where you were all these days so I followed you," Ann admitted sheepishly.

  
I scratched the back of my head and said, "Well, it's fine." I smiled sheepishly and said, "Anyway, do you want to come in?" What the hell am I doing? I had isolated myself for the benefit of others, I wasn't supposed to be closer to them. Whatever, there's nothing I can do about it.

  
After Ann came in, I locked the front door and the gate. I sighed, "So why are you here?" Ann shook her head and said, "Let's sit down and talk instead of standing." Ann saw down on the couch, I sat down beside her. She turned to face me, "Ren, why are you been avoiding us?" I turned to face her, "I'm not..." Ann glared at me, "Then why aren't you hanging out with us?" Before I could even say anything, Ann interrupted me, "Don't you dare lie to me, Ren!" Ann placed her hand on top of mine, "You can tell me anything Ren, I'm your friend. You can trust me."

  
Looks like she isn't going to give up until I give her an answer. Lying to her isn't going to get me anywhere, _what should I say?_

  
I removed her hand from mine, "What do you want to me to say?"

  
"Tell me the truth Ren, I want to know so does everyone," Ann stated firmly.

  
"Where should I even started?" I rubbed my forehead in annoyance; this is going to be a long day.

  
"Start by telling me why you moved away," Ann suggested.

  
I took a deep breath and starting telling her everything. I left out some details here and there, besides doing that, I also lied. Thankfully Ann seemed to believe whatever I said.

  
"I don't think Sojiro would mind if you stayed at LeBlanc. Besides, you have been staying there from the moment you moved here." Ann pointed out. I nodded my head and said, "Yes but I felt guilty for bothering Sojiro." Ann laughed, "You're so silly, Ren."

  
"Ren if you have anything that is bothering you, you can just tell us. You don't have to keep it to yourself and avoid us, got it?" Ann placed one of her hands on my shoulder, reassuring me. I faked a smile and nodded my head; there's no way I'm telling them the truth.

  
After talking for a while, Ann said, "It's getting late, I got to go now. Goodbye Ren." Ann stood up and walked towards the door. I took the keys and opened the door for her. Before she go, I said, "Please don't tell the others where I live, I don't want them to know for now." Ann agreed without protesting, I heaved a sigh of relief. Ann waved goodbye, I did the same before locking up the door.

  
I went straight to my room and closed the door. I lied down on my bed and thought about whatever today, I cursed myself for being unlucky having to bump into Ann. I should have been more careful. I turned my head and looked at the calendar, looks like it is almost time for the end of year exams. Just great. I don't even feel like going to school, let alone study tons of subjects.

  
I don't know whether I would even go want to school tomorrow. Ugh whatever, I'm just going to go to sleep.


	4. Unexpected Discovery

Ren Amamiya's POV  
  
I woke up to the sound of the alarm ringing, I got up and took my phone from the table beside my bed. I turned off the alarm on my phone and went to the bathroom. As much as I want to stay at home all day but I can’t as if I keep skipping school people will suspect something is wrong. It’s already bad that I have Ann breathing down my neck and Morgana who knows a lot. I don’t need the other members in the Phantom Thieves, dragged into this. After brushing my teeth, I changed into my uniform. I packed my bag and headed to school.  
  


Before I went into class, I took a deep breath and told myself to act normal. After that, I walked into class and sat down on my seat. Ann turned around and said, “Hey Ren, how are you?”  
  


“I’m fine, don’t worry.” I lied.  
  


“Ren, are you coming to the hideout today? For the meeting on the requests on the phan-site” Ann asked.  
  


_Should I go?_ Well if I keep skipping, they might suspect more.  
  


“Yeah, I am,” I replied.

* * *

After school, I went to the hideout. When everyone saw me, they crossed their arms and glared at me. They are mad at me, I mean they have every right to be mad at me for what I did. After all, I'm the leader of the Phantom Thieves and I'm the one who gets resources for the team. I owe them an apology for bailing on them.  
  


"I'm sorry for whatever I did. You guys have every right to be mad at me." I apologized.  
  


Ryuji's the first one to speak, he narrowed his eyes and sneered, "Sorry? Is that all you have to say to us? What kind of leader are you? And of course, we are mad at you! You flaked on us and didn't even reply to any of our messages when we asked where you are yesterday!"  
  


Yusuke shook his head and sighed, "Ren, what you did yesterday was irresponsible. I expect better of you."  
  


Everyone else nodded their heads. Haru added on, "We were so worried about you, we thought something bad had happened to you. Please do not do that again!"  
  


Futaba nodded her head and threatened, "If you do that again, I'll make sure you'll regret it!"  
  


I don't even want to know what Futaba would do to me. She's capable of anything with her prodigy like hacker skills. Yet, the things Ryuji and Yusuke said pierced through my heart. It made me realise that stunt I did yesterday was irresponsible of me.  
  


Morgana hopped out of Haru's bag and looked at me. He took a deep breath and said, "Ren I know you're still mad at me but I want to apologise for what I said to you last time."  
  


_Last time? What is he talking about? Is he talking about the time where I kicked him out of Leblanc because of what he said about Akechi?_ I mean that's the only time I'm mad at him.  
  


"Morgana I'm sorry for what I said to you too, I shouldn't have kicked you out and make you stay on the streets." I apologized.  
  


Morgana grinned at me and said, "I lived with Haru for the time being. So could I come back to Leblanc to stay with you, Ren?"  
  


Shit, He still thinks I'm living at Leblanc. This is bad. _Should I tell them I moved out and I'm no longer living at Leblanc?_ I guess I could say that and leave out my address for the time being _but won't Morgana tell them?_ You know what whatever I'll tell them where I stay. I owe them the truth. I took a deep breath before telling them where I stayed now.  
  


"What? You moved away and you didn't tell us? We could have thrown a house warming party!" Ryuji exclaimed.  
  


Futaba glared at me and said, "You didn't tell me either! If only I had looked into it…"  
  


Then the rest of them gave their input one by one. After hearing each one of them speak, it made me feel guilty for keeping it a secret. At the same time, I'm afraid that each one of them will visit me every day now that they know where I stay. It made me feel like moving back away from Leblanc is useless now. After each of them finished giving their input, they went on to discuss when to throw the house warming party. I sighed; this is a nightmare I want to wake up from.  
  


"We're throwing the house warming party at your apartment this Saturday, are you free on that day?" Ann asked.  
  


Having a house warming party at my apartment? I don't want to party but they are so excited about it, and I don't want to dampen their spirits. Ugh, what should I even say to them? Whatever I'll agree to it, it's better than moping around at home.  
  


"Yeah sure, I'm free," I replied.  
  


The rest of them cheered and jumped for joy.  
  


Makoto cleared her throat. She warned, "We'll have the house warming party after your examinations. I won't allow any of you to fail."  
  


Ryuji and Ann sighed and agreed. Before heading to mementos, we discussed the requests we have on the phan-site. After that, we headed to mementos.  
  


* * *

After driving around, we finally found our target. We got off the bus and Morgana turned back to his normal self. We confronted Yoshihito Wakasa and soon we are in a battle. After Makoto attacked, it was my turn.  
  


"Arsene!" I yelled.  
  


But Arsene did not appear, I shrugged and summoned other personas. The same thing happened to the rest of the personas that I have. I sighed and resorted to using my gun and melee, it didn't deal much damage but it was better than nothing. After fighting for a while, it was finally all over. We spoke to the shadow and after that, I took the treasure.  
  


"Since we're all tired, why don't we rest for a while before heading back?" Makoto suggested.  
  


We nodded our heads and headed to the nearest resting area. After we reached the resting area and sat down on the seats.  
  


"Ren, what the hell happened to you ?" Ryuji asked.

  
I shook my head, "I don't know why I couldn't summon any of my personas, including Arsene."  
  


"That's strange, it has never happened before. Morgana do you know why this happens?" Makoto inquired.  
  


Morgana thought about it for a while before shaking his head. "This has never happened before so I have no idea why it happened to Ren. Could it be your personas are too strong for you to handle?"  
  


I pointed out the fact that I could summon them at Shido's palace. It ruled out that possibility that my personas are too strong for me to handle. Morgana and the rest of the members of the Phantom Thieves became silent. They are thinking about the reason why I couldn't summon my personas. I too began to think of all the reasons why this happened but to no avail.  
  


"Morgana you once mentioned persona users doesn't have a palace, what if…Ren has a palace?" Makoto wondered.  
  


_I have a palace?_ There's no way that could happen. After all, I'm still considered a persona user even though I couldn't use any of them just now. Maybe I'm just tired.  
  


"There's no way Ren has a palace! I mean he's a persona user." Ryuji folded his arms and glared at Makoto. "Why did you even think he has one? He's our leader for goodness sake!"  
  


After that, each of them started bickering. I couldn't take it anymore so I stood up and shouted, "Everyone stop arguing!" They all stopped talking and looked at me. They looked like they are afraid of me, I can't blame them for feeling that way as I have never yelled at anyone before. I continued, "Alright how about we return to our own world and check whether I have a palace." They looked at each other before nodding their heads.

* * *

When we returned, I took out my phone and opened up the metaverse navigator app.  
  


"Dude are you serious? You don't have to do this you know." Ryuji said, reassuring me.  
  


"Ren Amamiya," I said, ignoring Ryuji.  
  
  
The Metaverse Navigator beeped.  
  
  
_"Candidate found."_


	5. Insecurities

Ren Amamiya's POV   
  
_"Candidate found"_

  
They all gasped when they found out Ren had a palace; their leader has been overtaken by distortions.

  
"Dude, you have a palace? I thought persona users don't have a palace? I don't understand." Ryuji said perplexed.

  
Morgana sighed and shook his head, "Neither do I. As I said, this has never happened before."

  
Everyone became silent and is deep in thought.

  
"What if there was some sort of problem with the metaverse navigator application that made this happen?" Ann suggested.

  
Morgana thought about it for a while before shaking his head. He explained, "The metaverse navigator is a special application so that can never happen."

  
I closed the metaverse navigator application and kept my phone in my pocket. I cleared my throat and said, "You know what guys it doesn't matter whether I have a palace, just forget this ever happen and move on."

  
Haru hesitated before asking, "Are you alright Ren? If you aren't you can talk to either of us, we're all here for you."

  
Should I tell them? No, I shouldn't burden them with my problems. Besides, I am their leader and I should be strong. I can't afford to be weak, as they are all depending on me. "I'm fine, don't worry about me," I said with a smile plastered on my face.

  
After this, we all called it a day and we went on our separate ways. Morgana hopped into my bag and followed me home.

* * *

When I reached home, I placed my bag on my sofa and sat down beside my bag. Morgana unzipped my bag using his paws and hopped out of my bag. He sat down on my lap and looked at me. "It's been a long time since we talked, so how are you coping when you were staying alone?"Morgana asked, his voice laced with concern.

  
"I'm fine, I got over what happened to Akechi when I was staying alone." I lied and flashed him a dazzling smile to make it more believable.  
  
  
Morgana heaved a sigh of relief and said, "I'm glad to hear that you're fine, I was so worried about you when I was staying with Haru."

  
Thank goodness he believed me. Now, I am no longer a burden to him. After that we talked for a bit to catch up with each other, part of me wanted to tell him everything but I refused to. I don't want to burden him with my problems again. After a while, it was getting late.

  
"Hey you must be tired Ren, you should go to sleep," Morgana remarked.

  
I nodded my head and Morgana followed me into my room. After I lied down on my bed, Morgana hopped onto my bed and curled up beside me. I got up and turned off the lights before going back to bed.

* * *

_"You would have all perished if you tried to face the cognitive version of me and the shadows with me weighing you down," Akechi said matter of factly._

_  
Akechi said, "Joker let's make a deal, shall we? You won't say no, right?"_

_  
I didn't respond and remained silent, waiting for him to tell me what the deal is about._

_  
"Change Shido's heart in my stead...end his crimes, please!" Akechi pleaded._

_  
"If I promise to do that, will you promise you'll be back?" I asked._

_  
Akechi chuckled, "That goes without saying."_

_  
After that, I heard a series of gunshots but after a while it became silent, Futaba shook her head sadly and said, "His signal...is gone, I'm only getting the shadows."_

_  
I ran towards the wall and banged onto the wall using my fists. I yelled with angry tears in my eyes, "Akechi you fucking lied to me, you asshole!"_

  
"Ren, wake up!" A voice yelled.

  
I woke up to see Morgana staring at me, he seemed a little afraid. "What's wrong Morgana? Did something happen?"

  
Morgana ignored my questions and said, "You were thrashing about in bed, yelling and crying at the same time. It seems like you were having a nightmare, Ren could you tell me what you dreamt about?"

  
After hearing what he said, I touched my cheek to find it damp. I didn't realise I was crying until Morgana pointed it out. Morgana was looking at me intently, waiting for my reply. I cleared my throat and told him about my nightmare while leaving out some details, Morgana kept quiet and listened. Until I finished talking, Morgana asked, "Is this the first time you had a nightmare like this?"

  
I had recurring nightmares and all of them had Akechi in it. Of course, I can't tell that to Morgana or any of my friends so I lied, "This is my first time having a nightmare." Morgana thankfully believed me; he then told me to go back to sleep as there is school tomorrow. I nodded my head and closed my eyes, pretending to sleep. I waited until Morgana is asleep before opening my eyes, I slowly got out of my room and went to the bathroom.

  
I closed the bathroom door before locking it. I sat down on the floor and broke down into tears.

  
_I had enough of nightmares._

  
_I had enough of sleepless nights._

  
_I wish I don't have to pretend to be fine when I'm not; I don't know how much longer I could keep this up till I broke down in front of my friends one day._

  
_I'm tired of being a leader, I want to step down and let Makoto be the leader instead. She has what it takes to be a true leader unlike me. Without my wildcard ability, I'm nothing, besides that, I'm also useless to the team._

  
_I should just quit being a Phantom Thief, they don't need me anyway. They are fine without me as they are already strong enough to defeat the shadows._

* * *

I woke up and realise I am in the bathroom instead of my room. I must have fallen asleep last night, I guess I was extremely tired after crying so much.

  
"Ren! Are you in there?" A voice yelled.

  
_That voice...it must be Morgana._

  
"Yeah, I'm just brushing my teeth." I lied.

  
"I woke up to find you missing, I thought you went out without me." Morgana sounded quite hurt when he said that.

  
"Why would I leave you behind?" I said incredulously.

  
I got up and brushed my teeth, I also washed my face to make me feel awake. After that, I got out of the bathroom to see Morgana outside the door. I went to my room and changed into my blazer uniform. After Morgana hopped into my bag, I zipped it up and left a small opening for Morgana to breathe. I carried my bag and headed to school.

* * *

"Do you all know how to write the kanji for 'crow'?" Miss Kawakami asked.

  
_Crow...Akechi Goro..._

  
"The characters for 'bird' and 'crow' look similar but the latter has one fewer line." Miss Kawakami continued.

  
Her talking about Crow made me remember all the painful memories of Akechi, I can't take it anymore. Before I could breakdown in class in front of everyone, I raised my hand.

  
"What it is Ren?" Miss Kawakami asked.

  
"May I go to the bathroom?" I asked, silently praying she'll say yes.

  
"Go ahead but please come back quickly."

  
Once I'm out of class, tears started forming in my eyes and I ran up to the rooftop. Once I am at the rooftop, I went to hide in a secluded corner of the roof. I curled up into a ball, let loose and cried.

  
_What's the point of living? I have nothing to live for._

  
_They don't need a useless and incompetent leader like me._

  
_I should just die..._

  
Suddenly someone pats me on the shoulder gently, I looked up to see Ann looking at me with concern.

  
"Ren, why are you crying? Did something happen?"

  
I sniffed and looked away."It's nothing, I'm fine." Ann looked at me sceptically; it was obvious she didn't believe me. "Why are you here anyway?" I asked, trying to divert the attention from me.

  
Ann sighed, "Well it's because you were taking a long time to come back to class, I got worried so I went to look for you." Ann narrowed her eyes and glared at me, "And don't you dare try to change the topic, Ren!"

  
So much for trying to make her forget about it...

  
I saw Ann looking at me intently, she was waiting for me to spill my secrets. I averted my gaze and focused on the floor instead.

  
If I tell her everything she will think I'm weak and not fit to be a leader, not only that, she will also tell the others about it. When others know about it, they will kick me out of the Phantom Thieves and leave me. After I lost Akechi, I feel lonely and empty. If I were about to lose the Phantom Thieves, I will feel much worse. Even if I'm a useless and incompetent leader, I can't let that happen.

  
"Hey Ren, answer me! I'm worried about you, you know!" Ann cried while shaking my shoulders.

  
I snapped out of my thoughts, looked up and turned my head to face her. When Ann knows she got my attention, she let go of me.

  
"I'm sorry Ann, I can't tell you," I said with a sad smile.

  
Ann pursed her lips and didn't say anything. Both of us headed back to class together and on the way to class, Ann was quiet and seemed to be thinking about something so I kept quiet.


	6. Ren Operation

Ren Amamiya’s POV

After school, I dropped by Takemi’s clinic. When Takemi saw me, she immediately brought me to the examination room. After I went into the room and sat down on the bed, Takemi locked the door in case someone barged in. Takemi sat on her chair facing me, she asked, “So why are you here?”

“I haven’t been sleeping well lately and I would like some sleeping pills to help me sleep better,” I explained.

Takemi asked, “What cause you to not sleep well? I have to know why before I could give you sleeping pills.”

“I have nightmares and…and they are terrifying.” I stammered, feeling ashamed of my childish fears.

Thankfully Takemi didn’t make fun of me, she just nodded her head and jot down things on the piece of paper she has on her clipboard. After writing whatever she needs to write down, she looked at me and said, “How often do these nightmares occur?”

“Almost every night,” I answered.

Takemi nodded and jot it down on the same piece of paper. “Alright I’ll administer some sleeping pills for you and the dosage is low so that you won’t feel sleepy during the day but it will still be enough for you to fall asleep,” Takemi stated.

Before Takemi unlock the door, she asked, “Are you, alright kid? Did something bad happen?”

_How did she know?_

As if reading my thoughts, she said, “I have come across many types of patients so I am pretty good at reading their facial expressions so tell me did something bad happen?”

I smiled and said confidently, “It’s nothing I can’t manage myself.”

_Lies._

Takemi shook her head and smiled, “Alright kid whatever you say, but if you do need help you can always consult me or a professional about it. You don’t have to bottle it up.”

_I do need help, but at the same time, I don’t want to get help as I don’t want to burden them with my problems. At the same time, I’m also afraid that after hearing what I have to say, they’ll think I’m weak and I will no longer be the leader of the Phantom Thieves. Worse comes to worst, they might even kick me out of the Phantom Thieves._

* * *

Ann Takamaki's POV

I can't stand seeing Ren looking so dejected, I have to do something to help him. After school, I created a group chat and named it "Ren Operation". I added everyone except Ren into the group chat.

_-Panther created a group chat-_

_-Panther named it Ren Operation-_

_Panther: There's something I want to discuss with all of you, please meet at Leblanc immediately. Don't tell Ren about it._

After that, I turned off my phone and placed it in my pocket before heading to Leblanc. Once I stepped into Leblanc, Haru and the others turned to look at me.

"So what is it that you want to discuss with us?" Makoto asked.

After Sojiro heard that, he said, "I'll close up the shop for you guys to discuss whatever you want."

Before Sojiro left, we thanked him. After that, we resumed our conversation.

I took a deep breath before saying, "It's about Ren. Ever since we left Shido's palace, he hasn't been acting like himself. Today, he ran out of class and sat at a corner of the rooftop crying." I paused before continuing, "I asked him what's wrong but he refused to tell me anything."

"Once I tried to ask him what's wrong, he also refused to talk about it. Instead, he reassured me that he's fine when he's not!" Ryuji said with frustration.

"Ren has a palace, right? If we enter his palace, we may be able to find out what Ren is hiding from us." Makoto pointed out.

We all looked at each other, feeling uneasy and uncertain about it. _Should we do this?_ If we enter Ren's palace, we are invading his privacy. If we don't then we won't be able to help Ren. Besides, even if we asked Ren about it, he probably won't tell us.

"We can't just let Ren continue to suffer alone! We have to help him, even if it means we're invading his privacy!" Haru stood up and glared at us.

We were bewildered as we have never seen Haru angry at all, except the time where she got her persona. After a long silence, we all agreed on infiltrating Ren's palace. However, we had one problem and that is trying to figure out the keywords of Ren's palace. Regardless of that, we still decided to try.

I took out my phone and opened the metaverse navigator app.

"Ren Amamiya"

_The metaverse app beeped._

_"Candidate found"_

"Where could his palace be?" Yusuke asked.

We all fell silent and began to think of all the places Ren could have gone. Ryuji broke the silence by saying, "It can't be that hard! I mean Ren hardly went anywhere, he's always at Leblanc."

_The metaverse app beeped._

_"Location found"_

"What does Ren think of Leblanc as? The only thing we know is that before Ren moved away, Leblanc was his home." I said, feeling frustrated.

Of course, the metaverse navigator did not respond.

"Futaba you placed hearing devices here right? Maybe you could check whether he said anything that could give us a clue to what he thinks of Leblanc." Makoto suggested.

Futaba stood up and said, "Be right back!" After she said that, she trotted out of Leblanc and went back home to retrieve her laptop.

We sat there in silence as we waited for Futaba to come back to discuss further. After a while, Futuba walked into Leblanc armed with her laptop. Futuba placed her laptop onto the table and sat down beside me.

"Before I came back here, I played every single audio file that my hearing devices captured. I found the one that might help us know Ren better and also to give us a clue." Futuba turned on her laptop and clicked on an audio file.

_"Why did it end like this? If only I did something instead of standing there like an idiot..." Ren said, full of regret._

_It became silent for a while before Ren started laughing sardonically, "As if thinking about hypotheticals will bring him back to life.” After saying that, Ren became silent again. However, this time the silence went on for a long time._

_After a long time, Ren sobbed, “I wish you are here with me. I want to talk to you, I want to know more about you. I miss you so much…” Ren paused before continuing, “I’m sick of feeling like shit every single day, I need you Goro.”_

_Ren continued crying for a few minutes before speaking again, “I wish I had the chance say ‘I love you’ and spend the rest of my life with you. I guess it’s never going to happen…”_

With that, the recording came to an end and all of us sat there with our mouths hung wide open. I couldn’t believe it; Ren has a crush on Goro and none of us knows about it, even though we are his close friends.

“I thought they’re just close friends…” Ryuji said, his words trailing off.

Before any of us could add in more comments on Ren’s feelings for Akechi, Makoto interrupted, “Everyone focus on getting the keywords to Ren’s palace; we need to help Ren as soon as possible. We can’t let him suffer in silence any longer!”

Haru nodded and said, “You’re right Makoto, we need to help Ren. He has done so much for us, it’s the least we can do.”

“According to what Ren said, living in Leblanc serves as a constant reminder that he failed to save Akechi, maybe he thinks Leblanc is a prison!” Makoto deduced.

_“Beginning navigation”_


	7. Prison

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the slow updates, I will try to update as soon as possible so stay tuned!

Ann Takemaki’s POV

The metaverse navigator app brought us to Ren’s palace; our clothes immediately turned into our Phantom Thief suit. I guess it made sense for Ren to view us a threat, he never wanted us to know what is on his mind as he went to great lengths to hide it from us. Before we step foot in the prison, I asked, “Since Joker’s not here to lead us, we need a new leader. So who is it going to be?”

Haru suggested, “Maybe Queen can be the one leading us!”

“M-Me?” Makoto squeaked out, twiddling her thumbs.

“Why not, Queen? I mean you can think of many strategies to infiltrate a palace and defeat shadows. Besides that, you can also perform under pressure. I can’t even do all of that!” Ryuji said, encouraging Makoto.

Futaba snickered and said, “That’s because you’re dumb Skull.”

Ryuji narrowed his eyes and retorted, “Shut up, I’m not dumb alright!”

I sighed and said, “Guys we’re not here to argue, we’re here to help Joker!”

“Sorry.” Ryuji and Futuba said in unison.

“So does everybody agree that Makoto is our leader for this mission?” I asked.

Everyone agreed without hesitation. After that, we went into the prison to uncover the things Ren have been keeping from us.

The interior of the prison is cold and empty and devoid of people. It is also eerily silent, save for the sounds of squeaks coming from mice and the sound of water dripping.

“This place is giving me the creeps. I can’t wait to get out of here!” I exclaimed, wrapping my arms around my body to keep warm.

Soon, we came across Ren’s shadow who is wearing prisoner uniform. We slowly approach Ren’s shadow, Makoto beckoned us to stay back and went to talk to Ren’s shadow.

“Hey, could you tell us where we could find Joker?” Makoto asked.

The shadow looked at Makoto and said, “Are you sure you want to meet the warden? He has been quite emotional these days. On some days he would lash out at someone, on other days he would either burst into tears or not speak to anyone.”

Makoto asked, “So the warden is called Joker?”

The shadow nodded, and said, “I normally call him the warden, and yes the warden’s name is Joker; according to what I know. By the way, what should I address all of you as?”

Makoto cleared her throat and said, “I’m Queen, and this is Panther, Fox, Skull, Noir and Oracle.”

We waved at the shadow as Makoto is introducing us, the shadow nodded and said, “All of you can address me as Akira.”

We nodded, and Akira beckoned us to follow him before walking away. However, Akira suddenly stopped dead in his tracks and turned around. He looked at us sceptically and questioned, “Why are all of you so adamant on meeting the warden?”

“We’re Joker’s friends, and we’re here to help him,” Makoto explained.

After hearing that, Akira instantly relaxed and said, “The warden is so lucky to have friends as caring as all of you, I hope that all of you would be able to help him.” With that, he walked away, leading the way while we follow suit.

During the journey, we asked Akira whether he knows anything about Joker. Akira asked, “What do you all want to know about?”

“We want to know what caused Joker to be sad,” I replied.

Akira looked around to check whether it is safe before saying, “The warden recently lost his loved one and he blames himself for not saving him. Because of that, he is prone to mood swings and outbursts. That’s all I know from listening to him mumbling when he is having a meltdown.” Akira paused to look around before continuing, “If you want to know more about the warden, you have to ask other Akiras as I don’t know much about the warden besides what I told you.”

“There are other Akiras? Where can we find them?” Makoto asked.

“Yes, I’m bringing you to see the Akira, who knows a fragment of Joker’s true self and knows where the other Akira is.”

At least we have some information about the warden, who is Joker, and also the palace, so we know what to expect; if only Akira knew more about Joker, maybe we can know Ren's secrets. So far we have not come across any strong shadow, there are all quite weak. It must be because this is just the first part of the palace. If we venture deeper into the palace, there might be tons of strong shadows.

Akira stopped in front of a door and turned around to face us. He said, “I can only bring you until here; you must speak to the other Akira behind this door.”

“Why can't you bring us to see Joker?" Ryuji questioned.

Akira sighed and said, “Honestly? I don’t want to deal with the warden and his antics, I’m tired of dealing with it.”

“Fine, but could you pass me the key to this door?” Makoto requested.

Akira nodded and passed the key to Makoto. Akira said, “Farewell, I hope all of you could help the warden.” With that, he sauntered away.

Makoto used the key and unlocked the door; she went in first and we followed her.

* * *

Once we’re in we felt the distinct cold air, besides that, we also saw more cells in there. Makoto asked, “Oracle could you scan this area to see where the Akira that stays here is?”

Oracle salutes Makoto and enthusiastically said, “I’m on it, Queen!”

Oracle immediately started scanning the place, after she was done, she pointed ahead and said, “We just have to walk straight ahead for a few minutes and we’ll reach him.”

Queen nodded her head and gestured for us to follow her. After walking for some time, we finally reached our destination. The Akira we are meeting right now wore the same clothes as the previous Akira. When Akira saw us, he grinned and said, “So you’re the ones the warden talks about all the time? Nice to meet you, I’m Akira.”

I waved at Akira and said, “Nice to meet you Akira, I’m Panther and this is Queen, Skull, Oracle, Fox, Noir.”

Akira greeted all of us and he asked, “So why are you here?”

Queen cleared her throat and said, “We are here to understand why Joker isn’t himself and we also want to help him.”

Akira remained silent for a while, we stood there waiting for him to say something. After a long time, Akira finally broke the silence by saying, “Follow me, I have something to show you. Maybe you’ll understand him a little.”

We looked at each other and shrugged before following Akira.


End file.
